Frozen: Chapter 41-52

Screw it.

I can’t deal with this book anymore. You know what happens? The end happens.

Other things that happen:

  • Nat is a Drakkonrydder
  • Nat almost kills Wes. But Wes magically revives
  • They defeat the RSA with the pinch of their thumbs
  • Nat and Wes separate because that’s oh so heart wrenching

Goodbye, Frozen. I won’t miss you ever. I never going to pick up another book by this author ever again.

Frozen: Chapter 36-40

We are once again in a situation where the odds seem to be against them. But i’m curious, isn’t Liannan magical? Aren’t the dwarfs suppose to be magical? They even used their magic on the compass to fix it. Why can’t they magically destroy the boat or something?

We aren’t told anything about their magical limitations and it leaves this whole ordeal rather pointless.

“I did not see them,” Liannan said coldly, as she appeared on the deck to join the group. “The ships are made of iron — which repels our power.”

Oh. Convenient.

Wes wants to negotiate, which seemed to be all that they’ve done for the entire journey. They know it might be a life or death situation and they agree to shoot each other rather than get caught.

On one hand, that is a bold move, on the other, why don’t you think you could possibly get caught on purpose, hitch a ride with the slavers and then escape and run to the Blue? Yes, dangerous, but better than starving to death.

Oh right. They have non-existent fish to feed them.

No one is armed and they have one shot in a cannon. Shakes shoots and misses. Wes plans to intimidate the slavers and scare them away, because that’ll totally turn out so well. Seriously though, the general rule of thumb for intimidating other people, especially violent assholes, is through physical superiority. You gotta show them that you’re aphla wolf and they’re omega. Wes, obviously, does not have that.

The slavers are speaking textlish. That LOL OMG JK I GTG I CU LTR language.

Wes solidifies his plan and is going to talk his way out of a fight.

PHYSICAL SUPERIORITY!!!!! THOSE SLAVERS AIN’T GOT NO FUCKING BRAINS FOR SMART TALK!!!! YOU AIN’T GOT NO SHIT TO OFFER EITHER!!!!!

Prediction: Wes will successfully convince them to leave.

And then, OMG! IT’S THE SLOB! I guess he’s working for Jolly? He “knew the whole time” that Nat couldn’t have actually been what she pretended to be. Wes knows the Slob and they converse. Wes offers to work double for half pay and then the Slob reveals that fact that he refused that one job.

The second ship pulls up and the slaver on there is called Ear.

Negotiations fail miserably as expected.

Darn. They get caught. I guess my predictions were wrong. For once, something finally happens. Jesus. The small crew gets branded and split up on the ships.

Hey, weren’t you going to shoot each other rather than get caught? What happened to the whole “I’d rather die boldly and live a slave” ordeal?

It turns out the Slob (or his real name, Avo) used to serve with Wes and then he became mercenary too. Damn, no fucking legal people? Wes plans to break out when Avo lets his guard down, because he tends to get lazy. Smooth. Usually, what you expect never actually happens.

They go 3 days without food or water, because… slavers don’t feed them? Like I understand the whole slaves = shit conditions things, but they gotta be fed! Number one rule of slaving is that you’ll get nothing with a boatload of dead slaves.

Anyway, turns out Wes has a secret stash of, wait for it, Bacon Fruit, that was stuffed into his jacket because it made good insulation. 1. Ew, how long has that been there? It must be stale. 2. I would never ever want to eat anything that works as good insulation. 3 Seriously? Bacon fruit? You just couldn’t think of something a bit more appetizing to call it? This is completely ridiculous.

They’re taken out to perform tricks to entertain the slavers. I’m sure that’s totally what you do when you trap dangerous magical beings inside your ship. Why there isn’t a rebellion yet? I have no clue. These slavers have nothing that’s keeping the slaves under control.

That night, a flock of random birds come by and drop off nuts through their window. In the middle of the fucking ocean. What the hell.

The birds talk to Nat in strange bird language and tell them there’s hope. Wow. This is SO lame. I just can’t even.

Wes finally reveals his service life and apparently, you do more evil things serving than being mercenary and kill everyone against the government, including innocent civilians. This government is so fucking on unrealistic, I don’t even understand how it’s still functioning and also managed to take over half of the world.

How are the not goddamn rebellions yet? How has 90% of the human population not been wiped out yet? If you kill all your fucking citizens, there’s no one to rule and thus you have no goddamn country. Do you fucking understand? Where the hell did your brains go?

Avo and Wes worked together, they found the rebel base, but got caught trying to run away and get… tortured, because everything in this world seem to lead to that. They escape, Avo captures a marked man and tortures him… because he doesn’t already know the location of the hiding base? I have no clue.

Anyway, in the end, the rebels all die. End of story.

The next day, the slavers all wonder why no one’s starving anymore. But there’s no evidence. So no one thought to try to save some for later? Everyone’s just “let’s eat now because we’re short-sighted idiots!”

More shit happens and the stupid pilgrims realize a little too late that they’re not going to the Blue. But then people know Layman’s Code! Which is some wall knocking morse code! Nat has a convo with them! Because Nat just knows every language ever!

They talk some more because what else would you do in a slave ship? Turns out Nat thinks she killed Eliza, but then Eliza actually was marked and so she made an illusion that made it seem like she died in a fire, but she didn’t.

Nat talks about the voice in her head. Blah blah blah.

Padding. Ew.

Frozen: Chapter 30-35

So, turns out Nat magically controls her magic. OOOOOOH, MAGIC! She still thinks she can only cause pain because of the whole “Fire and pain. Rage and ruin.” thing. She decides that she’ll push Wes away because keeping him will be too dangerous.

We all know in the end that always fails and tends to cause even more problems.

Daran’s out of control and he wants to shoot one of the refugees on board, who happens to also be marked. Wes threatens him, but it’s not enough and he shoots at the girl anyways. The girl uses her magical powers and send Daran off the ship. Or maybe Nat. Nat can’t tell whether she did it or the girl.

Helpful.

The girl’s name is Liannan of the White Mountains. That name would have worked had this been a high fantasy, but it’s not, so it sounds out of place and stupid. Wes wants to save Daran even though the jerkass betrayed him and is about to be killed by some drakon.

Wes, you are an idiot.

Why risk your life for an uncontrollable maniac in the case where you’ll more than likely be killed? What makes this seem like a good idea other than “integrity”? Nothing.

So they try anyway, Shakes gets swept into the sea and is kind of drowning. Nat gets angsty and starts praying because she’s magical and then the girl tells the drakon to stop. And then…………………………………………………….

I have no clue what the fuck happens. Nat gets… sick and confused? And then… they’re saving Shakes as if that wasn’t their original goal?

But the girl turns out to be a slyph (aka elf) and an obvious lame-o Galadriel replica – blond hair, radiating whiteness (like she glows white light), and a general air of wisdom. But this book makes everything suck, so she’s more corny than intelligent.

Daran’s dead and his brother gets so upset and violent that the crew has to tie him to a pole. The slyph and Nat talk, and she confirms that the Blue exists. In fact, the drakon protects is and she calls it home. Way to kill the suspense.

Farouk is afraid of them literally like their a plague. Liannan tells him she’s not infectious – he can’t be turned into a sylph. But… I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you want to be turned into a sylph? The girl is described as beautiful. In fact, she’s super sexy. Why dafuq wouldn’t you want to become like that? Plus she’s magical! This fear makes no sense.

There’s a lot of ridiculous padding and what the fuck moments. Liannan is ridiculously creepy and knows everyone’s names. Thankfully, the scene breaks with Wes breaking the truth to her – no wind and no food.

They still look for Daran, though he’s obviously dead. Then, we find out that the children were actually smallmen (aka dwarves). Brendon and Roark are their names.

Surprise! They have horrible pasts! They ran away because their colony was dying of the Rot which was the sickness that was changing marked ones into zombies. They were fine until they hit a trashberg (where were their fucking eyes?) and their ship started taking in water. Then starvation, death, etc. etc.

Whatever.

There are 5 more ships of people and the dwarf is stupid enough to ask for them to help. Wes agrees, because he’s Mr. Softy.

There’s a burial for the dead. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU BURY PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN? UP YOUR BUTTS? At the end of if, Nat asks to move from the captain’s quarters back to the crew cabin as the first step to pushing away from Wes. Right. Why were we doing this again?

She immediately regrets moving back, because the beds suck.

The next morning everyone finds out that Farouk untied Zedric from the pole and escapes in a lifeboat. They take all the supplies as well and probably are planning to go back to the RSA

What the fuck are they thinking? You think the government is going to forgive you so easily after you break a shitload of laws and then run back to them crying mama? They’re going to shoot your balls off first and then screw you over. These boys have no fucking logic in their brains. I am so done with this book.

Guess what? Days after Nat sights a fish does she actually think of the possibility that they still are alive. Apparently Daran and Zedric figured that out earlier and were secretly indulging themselves in fish.

Do these people have like walnuts for brains? I guess all the smart people are dead now.

They spend a day doing anti-climatic fishing. We find out that the world is starting to unfreeze and magical clean water is popping out of nowhere.

They eat fish for dinner. Shakes and Liannan seem to be getting it on with each other… because… ??? The two dwarves aren’t brothers, they’re gay lovers.

Nat turns to glance at Wes, but find that he’s not there.

Unsubtle foreshadowing.

So nothing actually happens from this whole ordeal, because they actually get rid of their shitty crew members, find a food source and get a better crew out of if. Brendon’s a better navigator because he manages to fix the compass which goes haywire near trashbergs.

No comment about inaccuracies dealing with compasses.

Brendon manages to guide them through the trashbergs. Though I don’t quite understand, the whole reason they were in a dilemma was because their ship hit one and took some water. Now he’s just magically good at navigating?

As the days pass, Shakes and Liannan are really falling for each other. I, am really wtfing so hard. Wes “knows” that Nat isn’t interested in him. Right. Since she’s actually done nothing to show that other than moving back to the crew room, which is shit nothing as proof that she doesn’t like him.

But they still have intimate conversations, so what the hell?

This time, they talk about Wes’s sister, who supposedly died in a mysterious house fire, but the thing was, there was no body so she’s still alive. Nat goes all “fire and pain” again.

… Is this hinting at the fact that Nat might be his sister? Or that she killed his sister? Honestly though, I couldn’t give a shit anymore. Nat’s about to confess something to Wes, but it’s interrupted by ship sightings.

PIRATES! FUCK YES! FINALLY SOMETHING!

The pirate’s name is Jolly Roger Stevens. Talk about being original. I guess he has two ships? Because both ships are supposedly his and they’re fighting each other. That’s stupid as fuck.

“Slavers rob each other all the time; it’s easier than roaming the sea for pilgrims,” Wes explained.

Fuck you. Yeah, sure they do that, but they don’t fucking rob themselves. It’s like saying “Oh, I need ten more bucks! Why don’t I steal ten bucks from my own fucking wallet!”

You don’t end up with anymore money than you started with, dumbass.

Conveniently, they come to a truce the moment they sight Wes’s ship. They even fucking shake hands. OH MY GAWD. PLEASE SOMEONE. SHOOT ME NOW. SAVE ME FROM THIS MISERY. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. FUUUUUUU

Frozen: Chapter 26-29

Nat broods over the fact that she’s marked and the rest of the crew might be judging her. Everyone’s in a pissy mood because their journey’s gonna be twice as long so food is scarce. Everyone’s also seasick, the only slightly realistic touch to this journey, except for, there’s no current to make them seasick so even that has been proved invalid.

They end up eating bark, but where did that come from? Trees don’t exist anymore right?

We get a glance as Shakes’s backstory, which is also suppose to draw feels from you, but basically, he’s illegal, people try to taking him away and they get into a tug of war fight, with him as the rope. He gets dropped, bonks his head and now has brain issues.

I feel genuinely horrible for using this word, but that, is retarded.

Most people think his shaky hands are caused by frostblight though Right. That stupid disease that can’t ever happen.

Shakes’s dad blames his mom for having him, but excuse me asshole, if only you fucked with protection that would’ve never happened, so you’re to blame too. Nat mentions Wes’s sister, but Shakes gets all confused.

[..] Because Eliza and Wes… they were twins.”

And apparently twins are exceptions so why was she taken away? Dun dun DUN! But, I don’t care.

It is bad that I want the government to just poof out of nowhere and drop a bomb which kills them all and ends this book on a good note?

We skip the Nat’s nightmare of Daran steal her stone. Typical nightmare. Wakes up via horrible noise, turns out to be some weird wailing thing. Turns out to be a Wailer. I don’t know what the fuck that is. Nat feels strangely connected to this crying noise.

Prediction: Nothing will happen.

Darn. I was wrong. They lose an engine. They’ll be stuck forever floating in the ocean! But lol, jk, we have sails. So essentially, nothing happens.

Ha. There should be no wind either. That’ll make things more fun.

They go back to sleep and Nat tells Wes about the stone a little more. It’s magical and suppose to keep you young for a long time – the reason why Old Joe lived so long. Old Joe didn’t see anything through the hole, but Wes and Nat do. Why? I have no clue.

Wes doesn’t want it because… reasons, but he warns Nat not to tell anyone else. The Wailer wails again.

Leaving Nat, Wes goes to the Crow’s Nest where he sees a light. And he thinks it’s a rescue ship? Weren’t you seriously scared to go out to sea because of the pirates? What makes you think the first ship you sight is going to be instinctively friendly?

Prediction: It might not be immediately friendly, but definitely not going to give them enough trouble for anything to happen.

Wes is upset because he realizes that ten days later, once they reach the destination, he’ll never see Nat again, but you could just go with her. If you really wanted to say with her so bad. Nothing’s preventing you at all. Also, the crew is bitching pretty badly for no reason because ten days of half starving is like nothing. A whole month would be a different deal.

And then guess what? It is a mercenary ship! Which means no pirates! But the ship is a mess, so I guess no food. In fact, the people in the ship need help. Wes goes all “I’m legit badass bitch, but I still have a conscience so I have to save them, if not, I would have long stolen Nat’s map and left her tied up”.

But 1. actually, you would’ve taken that first job offered to you in chapter 2 and never ever meet up with Nat, 2. you’re too in love with Nat to do that.

Wes goes on board to check out the ship and finds that the captain is dead and the way he was killed plus the fact that the ship was left to sink meant that the navy was out. He tries to get back but the rope’s been dragged away by Daran. Wes leaps and falls into the sea, but then…. Nat and Shakes reach down to lift him up…? Wait… how far is the deck of the ship to the water? I am so confused.

Nat is crying, because he almost died? But… this is such a not crying moment. More like a “bitch you should’ve been more careful” moment.

Oh, right, Wes was pulled up by Nat’s mind. So she does have no trouble controlling her magic.

Daran’s pissed.

Frozen: 24-25

Ok, turbo mode time. I need to finish this shit crap by the end of next week at the latest. It’s seems that the infamous Lauren Kate (author of Fallen) has come out with a new book and I’m itching to tear that apart.

***

It turns out Wes knew that Nat was marked the whole entire fucking time. Why did he still take her? Because non-existent love?

Flashback time again, and we’re told that Nat used to live with a bully brother. Surprise! Because EVERY main character just has to have a traumatic past that you’re suppose to cry about. Anyway, he bullies her and tells blatant lies about her and so one day she goes all fuck it and pushes him with her mind.

But didn’t you say you couldn’t control the magic? What the fuck is up with that?

Anyway, she gets kicked out and Mrs. A plans to escape with her.

So, *drum roll* Wes looks familiar because they’re worked in the same special training regiment!

*le gasp*

I feel like this is a part that could actually be a big deal, but the author just pushes it off as another fact, which is just false. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I think figuring out why I recognized someone is a pretty big deal.

Nat finally confirms that she wants to go to the Blue because she technically never told them, but everyone knows, so yeah.

Wes finds her eyes beautiful and they’re about to kiss when the ship lurches. Wes is pissed and Farouk blames the radar for not showing them. Some shitty radar you’ve got. I could’ve seen them with my fucking eyes. It’s not like they’re completely underwater. Anyway, the trash is… tearing into the ship?

Wait. This is trash we’re talking about. If anything, they’re probably piles of broken plastic, rotten paper and other small floatable items. That isn’t going to do shit to your ship. Anything bigger that might have even had the chance to rip you steel ship would have long sank to the bottom of the ocean. Fuck, these trashbergs can’t even actually exist because trash doesn’t just magically pile up on each other and also float! And stay together and float and pile up on top of each other!

Logic! Or lack thereof!

So the trashbergs are squeezing against them and lifting the ship out of the water. There are fridges and couches and everything and they’re tumbling onto the ship.

Due to the fact that trashbergs cannot physically exist which would thus nullify the existence of this scene, I refuse to analyze the gaping inaccuracies of it.

They magically slip out of the trashbergs without much damage. No one gets injured. Basically, once again, nothing fucking happens

Finally, they decide, after they almost get killed, that they should probably going around the trashbergs rather than through because it’s too dangerous. No shit Sherlock. You should’ve figured that out long before you almost got fucked.

“Hey — you look different,” he said. “What is it?” He squinted at her face.

“My eyes,” she said shyly. “You can’t see the difference? Really?”

“Our friend Shakes is colorblind.” Wes winked.

Ok, dafuq? She looks different, but he’s colorblind so he actually can’t tell that she looks different, so how does he notice that she looks different?

FUCK. I AM SO DONE.

My rage is so great, 1 gif is not enough to portray my anger.

So their magical fail radar suddenly picks up all of the trashbergs now and they have to go pretty far to go around them. If only you’d use your fucking eyes instead of relying on some shitty radar, you’d have a better time avoiding those hug ass trashbergs.

Also, where the hell is the current that’s moving these floating trashbergs coming from? Current is created from a combination of hot and cold water rising and sinking. Without current, nothing really moves all that much in the ocean. At least not enough to push huge gigantic trashbergs. With the world frozen over, there’s obviously no hot water to make a current.

Anyway, back to Wes and Nat.

Nat wonders if Wes would have kissed her had the trashberg not interfered. :O THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW! OMIGOSH! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!

Wes escorts her to her room and tucks her in and then he goes all “oh no you didn’t, we ain’t doing no nothing, get your mind out of the gutter bitch” and walks away. Except for much blander and more boring.

Wes needs to say that once. Just once and that’ll be enough for me to forgive the book for all of it’s wrongs. #hopelesswishes #thingsthatllneverevereverinanywaypossiblehappen

Frozen: Chapter 21-23

Nat feels bad about laughing at Wes’s ship because upon further inspection, we find out that it’s been made to camouflage perfectly with it’s surroundings thus also assuring us that nothing will probably happen on this trip through the ocean.

After a page of Nat doing random crap, we find that the ocean is littered with “trashbergs”, which are just mountains of trash.

Except, except, trash doesn’t just magically pile up into mountains because you say so.

Nat and Wes flirt a little, but it’s actually for once a slightly decent scene. If you forget the shitty characterization and cliches, some of the snarky remarks are pretty funny. Wes has a scar on his forehead that he claims was given to by Shakes with a pickaxe when he was trying to dig Wes out of an avalanche. We learn some back story for Nat and it turns out she tried to run before with an adoptive parent and got caught. Her parents had abandoned a long time ago as well.

She didn’t mention the real reason her mother had abandoned her. The reason Mrs. A had tried to hustle her out of the country.

AKA You’re marked. I am so sick and tired of this melodramatic voice.

Shakes apparently also has a shitty backstory, but save that for later. Wes smiles at Nat, but Nat can tell he’s hiding something. Wes tries to figure out how come Nat feels like she’s met him before after she leaves, also wondering if she just completely lied to him.

Ok. I understand if you want your characters to be alert and shit, but if they’re expecting a lie in the first place, why waste the time to ask for it? Nat’s a fucking client. You don’t get your nose into your client’s business. Just take the money, do the job and begone. So unprofessional.

Apparently the pickaxe story is a lie too and he’s told no one the truth, including his dead ex-girlfriend Jules, the one who searched for the Blue and died. These people are just building their friendship on a foundation of lies. I can’t believe it.

But then, OMG, Jules might actually not be dead. They’re just assuming she’s dead. From the way the books been going, Jules is going to appear. Or, PLOT TWIST, NAT IS JULES IN DISGUISE! :O :O :O :O (Unfortunately, I don’t think the author has quite enough brains cells to pull off something like this.) We get more backstory on Wes. So he falls in love with Jules, she wants to escape to the Blue, but Wes wants to stay to find his sister. Their love fades and Wes breaks up with her.

Yeah. Flat as cardboard. Boo-hoo. I’m crying now because I had to force myself to read that piece of emotionless shit.

So Wes goes all “fuck everyone I’m never loving anyone again” but then Nat comes and he’s randomly in love again.

WTF

I can’t do this anymore.

*headdesk*

Jules “supposedly” died at a bombing a year ago.

*double headdesk*

And then Wes argues with himself about kissing Nat.

*triple headdesk*

After the conversation, they take care not to talk to each other alone.

He was nothing to her… and yet.. she had wanted him to kiss because she had wanted him… If only they were already at New Crete, so she would be rid of Wes and his ship and her confusion.

If you really didn’t want to get all that involved, you should’ve stayed quiet and kept the proper client to runner distance, but of course, doing so would ruin the romance and also the rest of the book, so of course not.

Plus, that’s the worst sentence I’ve ever read.

She reads because she’s classy. And then she catches a glint of something in the ocean.

It was black and oily as usual but underneath… she saw a glimmer… a flash of color? What was that?

A fin?

A fish?

But there were no more fish in the seas, everyone knew that.

Wait. What? Weren’t we told in the first couple chapters that fish was the most abundant food source aside from synthetic shit?

Fuck, where are you getting your water from? Where are you getting your food from? WHERE ARE YOU GETTING YOUR SYNTHETIC MATERIALS TO CREATE FOOD FROM?

GODDAMMIT, YOU SHOULD ALL BE DEAD. DEEEAADDDDDDD.

We find that it is a fish. Apparently a red fish that adapted to the whole “trash in ocean so let’s be red to fit into that color scheme”.

Except the ocean is still black underwater. Also. fish aren’t blue right now with blue ocean water, so fail.

A bird flutters by, because hey, it’s suddenly animal time! The bird starts singing and Nat finds the song lovely, but the boys can’t stand it and shoot the bird.

I can’t tell if Nat likes the song because she’s marked.

Anyway, the bird’s dead.

Nat knelt to revive it, but its small lifeless body was already cold.

Bitch. It takes longer than a gunshot for a living body to go cold no matter how freezing it is outside. FUCK, IT TAKES LONGER THAN A GUNSHOT FOR A METAL ROD TO GO COLD. This is just ridiculous. I think my tolerance for this book has just gone out the window.

Nat gets upset and then accidentally uses her magical powers to send Daran flying backwards. But can’t you not control them? What made you just magically be able to? Or is this something different that you can control? Either way, it’s unclear and I’m not giving the benefit of the doubt.

The boys turn from bumbling idiots to full on rape gang. They want Nat to strip to prove that she isn’t marked. Of course, then all of a sudden, they’re pull off a “we’re sick and tired of Wes being weak and we’re moving on by ourselves”, but we always know those never turn out well.

On the upside, something actually happens for once.

They want to steal the stone, but Nat bursts into flames for a moment, revealing her eyes and also setting Daran’s hand on fire. Wes arrives just in time, taking Nat’s side even though there’s no logical reason as to why the heck he would other than non-existent love.

Oh, did I forget to mention, this whole time, Nat was being threaten by 2 boys. Just 2. She couldn’t even fucking fend for herself.

I can’t believe it.

Frozen: Chapter 17 – 20

Wes plays badass and Nat gets to sit there like a damsel in distress. Fun.

Of course, the seekers are goddamn teenagers. What the hell. Wes tries to pulled off another act, but when he gets there, he sees a marked one with red eyes. And marked ones can read minds.

GODDAMIT, YOU CAN ONLY HAVE RED EYES IF YOUR ALBINO. UNDERSTAND? I DON’T CARE IF YOUR MARKED AND HAVE SUPER ABILITIES, YOU CANNOT HAVE RED EYES.

Fuck, and I was hoping for some action, but guess what? Wes bribes them and they leave. End of chapter.

I is anger.

They finally arrive at K-Town, which is also filled to the brim with other outlaws. Shakes wants food like typical Shakes, and they stop by a restaurant. Apparently, the food in the town is traded from the military in exchange for arsenal. Military gets guns, K-Town gets food. The government approves of such relationship and it is complete bullshit in my brain.

There’s a marked girl with pretty eyes and Nat goes in shock mode. Right. Subtle. The food here is delicious.

It turns out Wes doesn’t actually have his ship, he needs to gamble it back because he probably lost it in a gamble. And he expects Nat to win for him, because she’s casino worker lady? Just because you work at a casino doesn’t mean you’re good at gambling.

These two things just don’t equate.

They arrive at the makeshift casino and Nat is required to dress all slutty because that’s what people in casinos wear. Bitch, wtf. Just gamble and then get the hell out of there. If Wes trying to pull another one of his acts?

Anyway, she’s got fake ID and everything (Fuck, getting fake ID’s is so easy. This government is shit.). She’s a 16 year old wife of a phone dude.

Her first job is to deceive the Slob, who’s a notorious 19 year old pirate. Goddamn. Can the author not have a single adult for once? There’s a reason why society ISN’T ruled by irresponsible, angsty teenagers and it’s surely not because the average lifespan is longer than 50 years or age.

The Slob looks like his name and typical dangerous pirate smexy man.

Nat has no trouble winning whatsoever. There’s not even a mention of being the slightest bit intellectually challenged. She wins a few rounds and then challenges the Slob with a bigger gamble. His boat or her sea salts.

Nat still isn’t challenged at all, but she realizes, because she magically knows where every card is in the deck, that she’s going to loose next round and OMG what will she do? Guess what? Magic.

Yeah, convenient magic decides to act up and mess up the cards so that the next card drawn makes her win.

Can I punch something?

The Slob’s ship (or actually, Wes’s old ship) turns out to be a complete piece of crap.

“Seriously, we traded one of the most valuable things left on this planet — salt — for this?”

Hey. Earth is covered in oceans. Please don’t tell me you have a shortage of salt. That is the biggest lie anyone could tell because 1. the oceans would have to dry out for that to happen, 2. your supposed main source of natural food – saltwater fish, – is now gone. Also, not to mention, without salt, you will die too. So yeah.

Of course, suddenly, there are Thrillers (a.k.a. zombies) all over the place and they rush to get away, leaving the dock asap.

And once again, NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS.

The Thrillers apparently mean no harm, they just want a ride. Thrillers are also apparently marked people who’s mark destroyed them. Apparently happens to all people. Of course, we’d like to know more about this, like how did people become marked, but of course not. If all our questions got answered now, no one would read the rest of the book.

But Nat is oh so special. She’s gonna be some catalyst of something horrible just because. Oh, and there’s a vague mention of the voice in her head again. Hello voice, we haven’t seen you since chapter 3.

Frozen: Chapter 15 & 16

Ok. Time to speed through the next few chapters because of time issues.

***

K-town is actually Korea Town. Ok.

So Nat can read which is a big thing, because usually people are just taught “textlish” which is texting language taken to the extreme. Anyone see the not so subtle similarities here between this book and 1984? We have disallowing of screwing, constant surveillance, and a shrinking minimized language in both books, but whereas 1984 does it perfectly, this is just a plopped down mess. Jeez, this is starting to feel like 1984 gone wrong.

To make Nat sounds legit, she only likes to read classics.

There are random white flowers on the ground and Nat find Wes slightly tolerable for a moment (even though they never hated each other in the first place), but there’s an explosion that shatters the moment and then we find out that it was caused by one of Wes’s only people.

That boy is fucking retarded. Or the author just created really bad setup. Either way, he shoots a rocket launcher or something and knocks down a house.

So now, they might have seekers on their trails. And seekers are the people trying to catch them for breaching curfew (I had to re-read the section back at around chapter 9, and that’s why the government was chasing them when they left the city, because they breached curfew apparently. Right. Because you send out full search crews every time someone breaches curfew. Why is there even a curfew in the first place?).

The abandoned village/town area is filled with pop cans, which go off after the boy had destroyed the first home. Daran get stuck in the snow and needs saving from Wes. It’s suppose to be super dramatic because they have to leave, but Wes need to save Daran so they gotta wait.

But like always, nothing actually happens. Wes arrives safely back onto the truck with Daran and they head off.

Anyway, they’re driving away unscathed when they notice little fluffs that turn out to be the seeds of those white snow flowers.

So we’ve got random adapting plants now? They’re just going to defy all laws of biology and live in the middle of snow, where there’s no way they would be able to pollinate and reproduce just because the author says so? Ok. I see how it is.

Daran wakes up upset that he lost most of his stuff. The whole setting off the town thing is pushed off as a mere prank.

No, FUCK YOU. You set off a town and that’s just a prank?

Nat is bleeding from nothing and that calls for another pit stop. Right. You totally can’t bandage people while the car is in motion. Wes thought there was a big cut, but then it just “magically disappears”.

Subtle.

Nat teases the boys but Wes takes it as a personal insult. He goes all ranty about how life’s shit hard and he’s helping to boys with education and shit.

“Shakes said you won a Purple Heart and a Medal of Honor.”

NO. I HATE YOU BOOK FOR YOU IGNORANCE AND BELIEF THAT PURPLE HEARTS COULD JUST BE HANDED OUT TO MINORS LIKE CANDY BECAUSE THEY’VE “SERVED” IN THE ARMY AND GOT INJURED. YOU CAN’T EVEN HAVE A PLAUSIBLE ARMY WITH 13 YEAR OLDS. WTFWTFWTFWTF. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

1234931504682I am so pissed right now, I can’t even.

Wes asks where Nat serves because everyone serves. Except for people who work, dumbass. Nat admits to never serving.

Then, OMFG, the seekers find them, because that’s totally not expected after one of your idiotic boys decided to shoot down an entire town.

Maybe that’ll teach him a lesson. You’d think these human beings would have a little more common sense in them rather than giving themselves away so blatantly.

I’m wordless.

Frozen: Chapter 14

Going to K-Town requires passing through Los Angeles which is underwater. But, wait a moment. It only takes 4 hours to get to Los Angeles from Las Vegas and no matter how roundabout your route is and how slow, there’s no way 4 hours could get extended to 15 hours. Maybe 8 hours, maybe 10. But 15 hours? That would require going at 20 miles an hour, which might be reasonable since it’s icy and snowy out and hard to drive, but they manage to drive fast enough to outrun drones, which are flying, so there’s no way they’re going at only 20 miles an hour.

Also, Los Angeles is right at the sea. Why couldn’t they just leave there? If they’re going up North (or South) there’s definitely a more straightforward way to get there rather than drive to Los Angeles.

Oh, and it’s a truck they’re driving.

Nat gets fantasies about Wes probably for not other reason than he’s hot, he’s Mr. Special snowflake, she’s Mrs. Special Snowflake and they’re destined to be together forever and ever.

A bar get’s lodged into one of the wheels somehow and the truck’s stuck. Everyone gets out to tug the bar out while Nat stares into the distance, being all deep about snow and watching mystical polar bears.

She’s staring at it with her binoculars and somehow, the bear see her and charges at her. She stupid enough not to move, not realizing until too late that the bear was about to attack her.

Except as main character, she’s conveniently saved.

I… I’m just wordless. It’s been 3 pages into this chapter and we’ve already ran into two gaping inaccuracies. Polar bears do not just charge at you when you’re far enough that you need binoculars to seem them and it doesn’t seem like Nat walked all that close at all. Polar bears are usually hungry and will try to eat you if they are hungry, but unless you seriously provoke them, you’re not going to get randomly charged at from such a distance.

The people who shot the bear were illegal tourist hunters. Wes tell Nat she should “consider herself lucky” that she didn’t get shot by accident.

They go back to the truck and then Nat notices that one of them is staring at her.

“Wes they saw me — we should go.”

No shit Sherlock. Because they’d totally not see you the first time when they shot the bear.

The truck’s still not loose and it seems like the hunters are… coming towards them? And so Wes pulls a whole act so that the hunters think they’re also illegal hunters. And nothing happens, no not-so-friendly shove, no angry glare, no bullying from the other people. Nothing. They just walked over and then walked away. So that was just completely unnecessary.

*facedesk*