Teardrop – Chapter 3 & 4

Apologies for the long hiatus. I was slacking a little.

The last time Eureka cried was when she was nine and immediately afterwards, a hurricane happened. Subtle. Her parents are arguing while it’s hurricaning and Eureka cries. One. Single. Fucking. Tear.

It’s like the world exploded or something, but water starts gushing out everywhere.

And then,

Diana gazed at her daughter as if she didn’t know who she was. Then her palm flicked backward and she slapped Eureka, hard.

Eureka froze mid-moan, too stunned to move or breathe. The whole house seemed to reverberate, echoing the slap. Diana leaned close. Her eyes bored into her daughter’s. She said in the gravest tone Eureka had ever heard: “Never, ever cry again.

Okay….? First off, would that make the poor girl cry even more? Second off, SO SUBTLE.

So for years, she’s never shed a tear. Until now. Over a fucking car accident that was more or less partially her fault. Wow. Epic fail. Clouds roll over ominously, but since the tear never actually fell, hell doesn’t break loose. She has no clue even though it’s so blatantly obvious what her tears probably do.

“My name’s Ander.” He stuck out his hand politely, as though a moment ago he hadn’t intimately wiped her eye, as though he hadn’t just done the strangest, sexiest thing anyone had ever done.

Ok. So your just totally cool with him rear ending your car and then you being a bitch about it now? You’re just going to be friends with him now because he did the “sexiest” thing anyone did to you ever? (Which for a record, was taking a tear from your eye and moving it to his. If that’s your definition of super sexy, I don’t know what to say anymore.) Can you be any more shallow?

Ander comments on how Eureka isn’t a common name and Eureka mopes once again for a page.

“Ander’s not a name you hear every day.”

His eyes dropped and they listened to a train heading west. “Family name.”

“Who are your people?” 

Uh huh. Because when you meet a hot guy who rear ends up and ends up being really sexy, you ask who the fuck his family is because his name is weird. Not like yours isn’t either.

A tow truck arrives and of course, the guy who drives it is a pervert, but he’s the only tow guy in town, so what can you do? Eureka wonders who sent out the message to get a tow and the driver-perv, Cory, tells her Big Jean called him. And we learn about Big fucking Jean, who no one actually cares about.

Also, if you’re not from around town, it seems like everyone hates you. Wow.

Ander is too proper to seem to be from Cajun and so Cory is really mean to him. Eureka finally gets a tow and then, we’re reminded a lot of words later that, oh shit, she still needs to get back to school for that cross country meet. Ander drives her and does a very unsuccessful job of hiding that fact that he knows everything about her life. His hands are shaky from “trauma” even though I’m very sure that he rear-ended her on purpose.

They nearly kill some squirrel animal and then all of a sudden Eureka goes all nice on him. Girl, you were a bitch a couple minutes ago. Where did this switch come from? How has Ander not all of a sudden regret saving the girl?

He acts all creepy, first saying he’s sorry for everything and then says that Eureka has a cross country meet, which she never told him about. But, conveniently, he just happens to be on the other team they’re running against. Wow. Just… wow.


Teardrop: Chapter 2

Eureka arrives back at her car which is this really nice Jeep Cherokee she named Magda.

It was too new and too red to suit Eureka. With the windows rolled up, you couldn’t hear anything outside, and this made Eureka imagine she was driving a tomb.

Isn’t… not hearing anything outside the whole point of having the windows rolled up? And just because it’s silent doesn’t mean you’re in a fucking tomb. You could also be driving a live yoga session and it’d be just as quiet.

She used to be super punk DJ, but since the death, we have to be told once again that all color has drained from her once oh so perfect life. She continues to mope because she can’t imagine playing guitar without her mom either.


She wants to seek vengeance on the wave, which is pretty stupid. You can’t seek vengeance on an inanimate object. It’s not going to feel pain or guilt or whatever for whatever it did which defeats the whole purpose of seeking vengeance.


As she drives, she starts moping so much about how much her life fucking sucks with all the pitying and no mother life that she actually can’t breathe. She stops at an intersection and studies her arm so that you can get a glimpse of her cut arm just for even more fucking pity points – except some dude crashes her from behind.

She sees Mister Sexy (presumbably Ander) yells at him to help her and then proceeds to get super pissed at him for hitting her car.

Did you even try to stop?”

“I didn’t see—”

“Didn’t see the large red car directly in front of you?”

Excuses never got so lame.

“What do I expect?” She approached the boy. “I expect to be able to get in a car without having my life threatened. I expect the people on the road around me to have some rudimentary sense of traffic laws. I expect the dude who rear-ends me not to act so smug.”

Wow…. Bitch alert… You know girl, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Had this been any other jock, they would’ve smacked you until you cried and then drove off without another word, because what the fuck, this boy was not smug at all, you stopped in the middle of the fucking road at an intersection (you weren’t even pulled over), and don’t you want to die? What. An. Asshole.

“But I guess I expected too much. Your dumb ass doesn’t even have insurance.”


The boy just grins like a creepy idiot and tells her everything’ll be OK. Eureka tries to call her parents and neither dad nor step-mom pick up. She almost cries, the sky rumbles ominously and the boy grabs her tear before it rolls down her cheek.

1. Creepy.

2. Not subtle foreshadowing at all.

Teardrop: Chapter 1

We start with Eureka sitting, massaging her bad ear, which she hurt in the wave. She’s in a waiting room with an empty but really really loud fish tank. She’s at the therapist’s, which her dad made her go to so that she would be able to get over her mom’s death. Except all of the therapists somehow just suck.

Sometimes I really worry. Why are psychiatrists always portrayed as stupid dumb butts who never actually understand the angsty teenager’s problems?

Eureka noted her new therapist’s taupe leather slip-ons. She’d sat on the couch across from many similar pairs of shoes. Female doctors did this little trick: they slipped off their flats at the beginning of a session, slid their feet back into them to signal the end. They all must have read the same dull article about the Shoe Method being gentler on the patient than simply saying time was up.

I… don’t know how to react to that… Ew? Stinky feet?

After a very detailed description her therapist taking off her shoes (maroon toenails, if you cared to know), we find out that the therapist’s name is Landry. Really. I swear, did Ms. Kate just look up, see a laundry basket and then go “oh goody, a name!”.

Landry tries to initiate conversation, but all Eureka wants to do is escape reality.

But Landry looked sensible, interested in the reality from which Eureka yearned to escape.

Uhhh…. girl, just because she looks sensible doesn’t mean she is sensible.

Apparently she’s missing a cross country meet for this. She also recently tried to kill herself. And ended up surviving and thrown in a psychiatric ward with a schizo and emo Asians. What’s awful though, is that it’s described at if “oh poor little Eureka going through all that horror!” but fuck, bitch, you just tried to kill yourself. You’re just as bad as the emo Asian boy. You need to stop thinking you’re normal and then also try to kill yourself.

She’s all upset because the place was really far and also her hometown, which would make her unable to attend her cross country meet and it was a really important meet. But, she’s the one driving to this place. Why couldn’t she just skip the appointment? If the meet is that important, skip the fucking appointment.

The meet’s importation because ever since her mother’s death, she’s been doing awful and this was her last chance to redeem herself.

Landry asks a bunch of questions that Eureka thinks the answer too, but doesn’t say anything. She spends to whole time moping about good times with her dead mother and how much life sucks now because she’s dead. And she still wants to kill herself.

I can tell, this book is going to be a blast.

Eureka just wants pills. Landry says that’s not going to help her problem. Eureka storms out pissed.

Girl, why didn’t you just skip the entire appointment? Stupid stupid stupid.

Teardrop: Prologue

Ah, tis time for a new book! The cover of this book proves to be gorgeous. The insides, not so much.


We start out with a sunset against the Seven Mile Bridge. There’s a boy sitting in a stolen fishing boot a hundred yards away from the bridge. There are construction workers on the bridge and both the workers and the boy are so called “Seedbearers”. They’re about to kill “the girl and the mother”.

But, of course, the boy (who’s name is Ander) is in wuv with the girl.

Ander had a choice: fulfill his obligations to his family, or–


The choice was simpler than that:

Save the world, or save the girl.


The plan for killing the girl is to created a huge wave that washes them off the bridge.

They could even get away with it. No one could prosecute a crime he didn’t know had been committed.

No shit. What, we’re gonna start prosecuting people because a tsunami hit wherever?

So it turns out these Seedbearers are manipulators of the wind, which in turn, they were going to use to push up a huge wave to wash the car away. Wouldn’t it be simpler… if they just created a tornado? Or something more wind related? Or stab the girl with a knife? Or just something more straightforward than huge tsunami wave which seems to described as rather complicated?

For months they had spoken only of their certainty that the right wind under the right water would be powerful enough to kill the right girl.

Shouldn’t it be the right water under the right wind? Also, when you say kill the right girl, does that mean this girl is in particularly hard to kill? Yes? No? Maybe?

Turns out Ander had to stalk the girl… because that’ll help shit with killing her? Maybe for a week just to figure out when they’ll come down the bridge, but 24/7? Honestly? In any case, he knows everything about this girl, is deeply infatuated with her because she’s just so perfect and thus comes to the conclusion that he’s in wuv with her. Creepy.

He muses for two whole pages about whether he should save her. He’s misunderstood in his family like any typical teenager. His aunt thinks he wants a normal life. Who would’ve know he fell in love with the girl he was suppose to stalk 24/7? Don’t these people have some brains? You’re sending out an imbalanced teenager who probably wants a fuck more than he wants to save the world. It never crossed anyone’s mind that he might grow attached to her? Seriously?

There’s some not too subtle hinting at the fact that this girl comes from something before “the flood”. Probably the flood associated with Noah’s ark.

In any case, the wave crashes down, it’s perfect, everything goes as planned but Ander goes for girl. He can’t save mother as well. Boo hoo.

The girl’s name is Eureka. God this name is awful.