Review: The Boy A Thousand Years Wide

The Boy A Thousand Years Wide
The Boy A Thousand Years Wide by David Spon-Smith
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I received and ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

DNF at 138 pages of shit.

This book was awful. This felt like some random half-literate guy from somewhere like south Philly decided to just write a book, sends it to a publishing company in dire needs for a book to publish, and the company publishes it after having an editor make an half-assed attempt of cleaning the book up.

Or, in other words, this book is the definition of craptastic shit.

A lack of variation in word choice is just fine.

Did you know, in the first 57 pages of the book, the word “says” is used more than a 130 times? And not just “say”, “says”. Everything, single, fucking, time. Even if it’s grammatically incorrect, “says” is used. “I says”, “he says”, etc. etc. etc. Is there any variation? Yeah. We see “shouts” a couple of times. Wow. Such word choice. Much bad. Very disappoint.

Ain’t inconsistent grammar amazing?

Yeah. A published 422 page work does not ONCE use the grammatically correct form of “is not”. Instead, we’re littered with “ain’t” and not just in the shoddy first person narrative, but in EVERYONE’S dialogue. So everyone uses incorrect grammar now? What, has “is not” just went obsolete? Why is “ain’t” the only word that’s grammatically incorrect? (Which is why I say the book was probably half-assedly edited.) I don’t find this to be a stylistic way of writing. This is someone being stupid and not following the rules of grammar because slang.

Even if it was supposed to be stylistic writing, it was such a half-assed attempt, the author might as well have ditched it and saved the reader from going through reading hell every time “ain’t” shoots its lightning bolts into civilized reading minds.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with using ain’t. It’s the fact that it’s being abused like “says” is and the fact that it’s not being properly surrounded by related slang that makes it stand out like such a sore thumb and makes it such a big issue.

This is probably as bad as “shuck” in Maze Runner.

Look. Paragraph spacing doesn’t have to be consistent.

WTF is up with the random large gaps between paragraphs? I’m reading and then all of a sudden it’s like the author thought “oh, this paragraph [a.k.a. single sentence, since the author fails to write a single paragraph past the elementary 5 sentence and most of his paragraphs are 1 sentence long] looks important, I’mma just surround it with spaces so it stands out!”

No. Just. No. Fuck you. Do you not look at other books? Do you not notice how ugly that makes your book look? Just random gaps in the narrative every hither and thither. You know why I didn’t finish this book? Because I was sick of scrolling through all of those fucking gaps.

We all be a clone party!

EVERYONE. And I mean EVERYONE sounds the same. There might be occasional quirks here and there, like Lilly only shouts. And is a mean bitch. Baxter only knows to be a sniveling brat. But most of the secondary characters all sound the same and could totally be interchangeable. I don’t even remember what they’re names are.

Oh, yeah, and they all says ain’t.

Conclusion

I realized that this book was hopeless the moment I was just started skimming instead of reading. There is SO MUCH PADDING.

Do. Not. Read. End of story.

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