I recieved an ARC of this book via Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.
DNF at 175
I’m sorry, this book isn’t even the worst book I’ve ever read, but I’m just so fed up with wasting my time reading books that I know won’t get any better when I’ve got books ten times better sitting across from me on a shelf waiting for me to read.
This would have been a good book had the author not completely undermine the intelligence of the reader and also learned few techniques about writing a story (such as prose, pacing and character creation).
1. Prose and Pacing
The prose in this book is dry. The descriptions are lackadaisical and oftentimes suppose to be “fancy” and “well thought out” but only leaves the reader confused.
Slipping through the door with a quick knock, Dylan found himself in a small sitting room. The view was breathtaking. An entire wall of windows looked out onto the beach and he felt a pang of homesickness. Focusing on the closed bedroom doors on the opposite ends of the room, he
chose one at random and tiptoed in.
Wow. The small sitting room’s view was breathtaking. A SMALL room has a BREATHTAKING view. How? Just how?
Also besides the breathtaking view, we get nothing else of the room. What the hell are the color of the carpets? Are there even carpets? Well, the world will never know.
Andi settled behind him on the wide seat looking at her clothes in dismay. Green sheep slobber slimed her cloak, dress, hands and boots. Or was it sheep snot?
First off, TMI. Second off, you could have just said “sheep slobber covered her body”. No one gives a shit if it covered her hands and not her arms. Third off, just ew.
The pacing of the book was also absolutely horrendous. Things just happen. It’s like the author envisioned a couple of scenes to happen and then stitched them together with the in between scenes to make it a novel. You know why I stopped at 175? Because the pacing screwed me over.
I might have finished if the pacing hadn’t been so bad.
2. Inconsistent Characters
Who the fuck is Dylan? From the first impression that I got, with him fighting with another guy over a girl and majorly losing, was that he was probably some weak sailing nerd who wanted to prove himself but actually had no experience sailing.
Apparently he’s hot, sexy and quite the teenage womanizer.
I have no a clue what kind of person Andi is and last time I checked, Cinderella did not wear a cape that has abilities very coincidentally similar to the invisibility cloak in Harry Potter. In fact, the author does a very poor job masking the source of inspiration by mentioning Harry Potter and how Andi felt like she was in Harry Potter.
Uh. No. Just, no.
We, as of 175, get no view of Quinn asides from the not-too-subtle hinting at the fact that he might have something to do with Rapunzel and her being the damsel in distress multiple times. She’s a crazy legit rock climber, but gets so scared getting kidnapped that she can’t even find the strength to fight back? Really? Muscles! Use them!
Fredrick has been, so far, the most consistent character, but also the nondescript. He’s shy shy and shy. And occasionally angry. What else? I have no clue.
Almost all of the other characters have their fairy tale counterparts to base their actions on, which makes characterization a lot easier, but not much better.
A pretty decent upside to the story is it’s somewhat intricate storyline and incorporating different fairy tales into the world. Unfortunately, it’s not very well played out and in the end, I just lost interest in the whole ordeal. The plot gets too masked by the awful prose and characters.
4. INTELLIGENCE. PLEASE.
I’m sorry Ms Author, but would you please not make your characters so ignorant of the Grimms fairy tales and also not undermine the reader’s intelligence so much? The fact that Quinn’s hair grew a mile a minute was enough for me to make a guess as to who she probably was. I don’t know yet and I don’t plan to find out. The fact that Andi get the part in Cinderella was enough for me the guess, within the first couple chapters, that she was Cinderella.
These characters are so stupid, sometimes I want to just facedesk. It’s awful. These are normal teenagers right? Normal teenagers aren’t this stupid I hope.
Nope. Do not read.
BONUS: The chapter titles are awful.
Chapter 7: “We don’t exactly have phones to call for help” (You have vocals chords too, you tards)
Chapter 8: “Where we’re from, you don’t see pointed elf ears outside of sci-fi conventions.” (for the record, sci-fi is the wrong genre)
Chapter 10: “You can drive if you know how to hotwire a car.” (Tell that to all the little kids in the world)
Chapter 22: “You never know what might happen at these… fundraisers, after all.” (Oh baby?)