Review: Frozen

Frozen
Frozen by Melissa de la Cruz

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I received this book from NetGalley in return for an honest review.

This book is the child zero research and the lack of common sense. If you have even the slightest brain, DO NOT EVER READ THIS BOOK.

What’s wrong with this book?

It’s physical existence.

Aside from that, we have massive logical plot holes, flat characters and absolutely zero point in any of the plot. Honestly, a HUGE waste of time.

1. Blatant Mary Sues

These characters are god awful. What’s wrong with them? They’re literally cardboard cutouts of the most common YA cliches, mixed in with a bottle of Mary Sue. Just the idea of that sounds like a catastrophe in and of itself.

Nat, the female love interest, is HOT. Wes, our male love interest, is HOT. And they mutually admire each other’s HOTness because, fuck, why not just meet a random person and notice how fucking HOT they are? Nat and Wes’s romance is completely unrealistic. They meet and… flirt… and then suddenly live for each other? What? Did either of you have any actual conversation with each other that wasn’t the author trying to info dump your backstory in the form of dialogue? Nope. Never. NEVERRRRRRRR.

They’re in love, because they’re HOT and La Cruz said so.

Shakes = typical other guys who’s always with the main character and is just there
Zaran and Farouk = those idiots who run away because “it’s a good idea” and then come back crying mama because it turned out all wrong.
Liannan = WTF BITCH, DON’T TRY TO BE GALADRIEL BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT.
The Smallmen (atm, they’re names are avoiding my mind) = gay couple that’s put in there just because they’re gay and that’s a cool thing to do in YA literature nowadays.

Was there any fucking point in putting in a gay couple? Nope. Not at all. La Cruz was probably like “lol, gay couple! that’ll win me some points! lolololol!”

AND WTF, NAT JUST SUDDENLY BECOMES THE MOST OP BITCH IN THE LAST 20 PAGES OF THE BOOK. LIKE FUCKING DRAKKONRYDDER? WTFWTFWTFWTF. AND IT’S WRITTEN SO LAMELY I WANTED TO SHOOT SOMETHING. FUUUUUUUUUU

*shoots book*

2. Worldbuilding. Or lack thereof

I understand when sometimes, in worlds, things exist because it’s fantasy. But, really, you cross a line when you fail to follow the basic laws of biology and physics.

TRASH WILL NEVER EVER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD EVER PILE UP IN ICEBERG SIZE MOUNTAINS IN THE OCEAN, BECAUSE 1. THAT MASSIVE SIZE OF TRASH WOULD FUCKING SINK AND 2. TRASH DOESN’T STAY TOGETHER IN WATER LIKE IT WOULD ON LAND. TRASH DISPERSES. PHYSICS. BASIC MOVEMENT OF WATER. BASIC PROPERTIES OF THINGS THAT AREN’T STUCK TOGETHER. LEARN IT.

Frostblight is a complete piece of bullshit.

You also cannot possibly ever create an army out of fucking 12 year olds. You know why? Because 12 year olds are fucking irresponsible pieces of shit because their brains aren’t fully developed (and neither are their bodies) and making good decisions only comes to few, FEW, 12 year olds. Meaning, even if 90% of your population are 12 year olds and they’re the only people who can be in the army, you’re still going to have an army that can do jack shit, because they’re FUCKING 12 YEARS OLD.

Clean water doesn’t just randomly appear in the middle of the dirty water.

It doesn’t just randomly appear out of nowhere. Speaking of which, that whole synthetic drinks bullshit is complete crap. Water is the base of all drinks. If you don’t have clean water, where are you getting your drinks? Also, isn’t there snow all over the place?

You know that huge organ that lies inside your skull? Yeah? Well, you’re suppose to use it.

3. Nothing happens.

Absolutely nothing fucking happens in this book. The entirety of this book could be summarized in 4 words and it’d be a million times more interesting than the book itself – Nat finds the Blue.

Every time you think something might happen, they get away. OMG THERE ARE HUNTERS! Just play cool and hunters will walk away! Oh, the Seekers are here! Bribe them! We need a ship! Trade salt for ship and also win a game via convenient magic! Oh no, we lost our engine! Well, we have sails! Oh no, we’re starving! There’s convenient fish in the ocean so jk!

What. The. Fuck.

Not to mention, that fish is probably filled to the brim with toxic waste, consider that what it lives, breathes and eats. It’s probably just a fish that adapted to the toxic waste, if that’s possible. Everyone should’ve gotten food poisoning and died a long time ago.

Conclusion

I don’t have any more to say. If you’re not convinced by the end of this review not to read this book, I think you might need to get your brain checked.

View all my reviews

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