Frozen: 24-25

Ok, turbo mode time. I need to finish this shit crap by the end of next week at the latest. It’s seems that the infamous Lauren Kate (author of Fallen) has come out with a new book and I’m itching to tear that apart.

***

It turns out Wes knew that Nat was marked the whole entire fucking time. Why did he still take her? Because non-existent love?

Flashback time again, and we’re told that Nat used to live with a bully brother. Surprise! Because EVERY main character just has to have a traumatic past that you’re suppose to cry about. Anyway, he bullies her and tells blatant lies about her and so one day she goes all fuck it and pushes him with her mind.

But didn’t you say you couldn’t control the magic? What the fuck is up with that?

Anyway, she gets kicked out and Mrs. A plans to escape with her.

So, *drum roll* Wes looks familiar because they’re worked in the same special training regiment!

*le gasp*

I feel like this is a part that could actually be a big deal, but the author just pushes it off as another fact, which is just false. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I think figuring out why I recognized someone is a pretty big deal.

Nat finally confirms that she wants to go to the Blue because she technically never told them, but everyone knows, so yeah.

Wes finds her eyes beautiful and they’re about to kiss when the ship lurches. Wes is pissed and Farouk blames the radar for not showing them. Some shitty radar you’ve got. I could’ve seen them with my fucking eyes. It’s not like they’re completely underwater. Anyway, the trash is… tearing into the ship?

Wait. This is trash we’re talking about. If anything, they’re probably piles of broken plastic, rotten paper and other small floatable items. That isn’t going to do shit to your ship. Anything bigger that might have even had the chance to rip you steel ship would have long sank to the bottom of the ocean. Fuck, these trashbergs can’t even actually exist because trash doesn’t just magically pile up on each other and also float! And stay together and float and pile up on top of each other!

Logic! Or lack thereof!

So the trashbergs are squeezing against them and lifting the ship out of the water. There are fridges and couches and everything and they’re tumbling onto the ship.

Due to the fact that trashbergs cannot physically exist which would thus nullify the existence of this scene, I refuse to analyze the gaping inaccuracies of it.

They magically slip out of the trashbergs without much damage. No one gets injured. Basically, once again, nothing fucking happens

Finally, they decide, after they almost get killed, that they should probably going around the trashbergs rather than through because it’s too dangerous. No shit Sherlock. You should’ve figured that out long before you almost got fucked.

“Hey — you look different,” he said. “What is it?” He squinted at her face.

“My eyes,” she said shyly. “You can’t see the difference? Really?”

“Our friend Shakes is colorblind.” Wes winked.

Ok, dafuq? She looks different, but he’s colorblind so he actually can’t tell that she looks different, so how does he notice that she looks different?

FUCK. I AM SO DONE.

My rage is so great, 1 gif is not enough to portray my anger.

So their magical fail radar suddenly picks up all of the trashbergs now and they have to go pretty far to go around them. If only you’d use your fucking eyes instead of relying on some shitty radar, you’d have a better time avoiding those hug ass trashbergs.

Also, where the hell is the current that’s moving these floating trashbergs coming from? Current is created from a combination of hot and cold water rising and sinking. Without current, nothing really moves all that much in the ocean. At least not enough to push huge gigantic trashbergs. With the world frozen over, there’s obviously no hot water to make a current.

Anyway, back to Wes and Nat.

Nat wonders if Wes would have kissed her had the trashberg not interfered. :O THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW! OMIGOSH! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!

Wes escorts her to her room and tucks her in and then he goes all “oh no you didn’t, we ain’t doing no nothing, get your mind out of the gutter bitch” and walks away. Except for much blander and more boring.

Wes needs to say that once. Just once and that’ll be enough for me to forgive the book for all of it’s wrongs. #hopelesswishes #thingsthatllneverevereverinanywaypossiblehappen

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