I don’t like those damn 39 Clues

Ok, this might be the randomest post in the world and you might be thinking, Livi, where da hell did you get this notion from? But I’ll tell you right now, I have a strong dislike for The 39 Clues series. Why The 39 Clues? Because that’s the series that my 6 year old brother is currently obsessing about and it just bothers me that my brother is in love with shitty literature.

Why is it shitty? I’ll give you a couple reasons:

1. It’s way too commercialized.

I’ll admit, I did read these books quite possibly when I was just a tad bit too old, which greatly reduced my reading experience, but I didn’t pick up the books because I had any idea what they were about. It was just that the cards on the front cover and the book covers made it seem super cool. So I read the series.

These books sucked.

There are many factors that contribute to a good book and one of them might possibly be interesting main characters? (*hint hint cough cough*) You have Amy, a 14 year old, first off and a nerd. And then you have her 12 year old brother, Dan, who’s the klutz/stunt man. It’s been a while since the last time I’ve read the books, so I can’t go into much more detail than that, but there’s one thing for sure and it’s that Amy and Dan are your most typical, cliche “Let’s go save the world! But wait, actually, we’re just two normal kids who SUCK at being people.”

It’s no wonder even just prestigious authors have been only able to produce a series of mediocre books at best.

So what attracts the audience if the actual books are only okay?

Well, quite possibly the line “The WORLD relies of YOU.” and the line “Can YOU help save the WORLD?” and the line “It is up to YOU to save the WORLD.” and the line “Can YOU help Dan and Amy save the WORLD?” and… oh you get the point. YOU are saving the WORLD. And if they couldn’t make it more obvious by scribbling it all over the front and back covers, you got the game too, which is even worse.

So, are YOU ready to save the WORLD by entering ridiculous 10 digit codes printed on mass produced cards into a little text bar, because that, oh my gosh, is totally going to save this WORLD from this non-existent destruction that only YOU can prevent. Like it totally specifies who the hell YOU is too.

But the thing is, kid’s love this. They love this false attention, the fake pride of saving the WORLD because it relies on them. And they think its super cool. And who doesn’t want to collect a bunch of cool looking cards and books with cool looking covers that are about saving the world?

2. We are not one big family.

I guess I’m thinking too much into this in saying that it bothers me, but the whole concept of how any slightly prestigious famous person is actually part of a family of super smart people really bothers me. One because there’s no way the emperor of China could be somehow bizarrely be related to Benjamin Franklin unless this serum (which I will explain in a second) ran in their bloodstream well before the human population was more than 10.

So, you may be wondering, what is this serum that I am talking about? Well, spoiler alert because you don’t find this out until the last book, but everyone is super intelligent not because they’ve worked oh so hard for it, but because they’ve got good genetics. And where did these genetics come from? Well this guy created a serum that made you super intelligent. And then he split it into four subserums, because you know, then his family would be super powerful and too intelligent. Not that this would be something you would worry about AFTER you’ve already succeeded in creating the serum.

Ok. So actually, are you telling me, books, that I’ll only succeed in life if I have super good genetics? Because it sure sounds like you are.

3. No. Talent comes in just one category

Ok. So apparently you can only be talented in one thing? Because following the logic of the serum, you’re only genetically altered to be super good at one thing, whether it be business or art or inventing or whatever, (though art and inventing are actually pretty related). But that’s not true for real live people. You can be amazing at golf and be an artist as well. There’s no conflict here….

Enough said about that.

So, in the end, The 39 Clues is of no good. I don’t like them and that’s that.

(Now I’m tired, so if you’ll excuse me for this half assed ending, I really have no energy left.)

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