This Dipping Time of Year

I like to call myself an amateur writer. Well, I am one. Or was one, until I crash every spring/summer where my drive to write simply goes down to the bottom of the ocean.

Yeah, it’s a yearly thing.

I actually used to contemplate about being a full time writer. Just, you know, what it would be like to just be surrounded by words all the times. I’d love it in the fall/winter. Not so much now.

It’s weird how I go through phases. Spring/summer are considered my more artistic seasons where my craving for art takes over and all I want to do is draw a comic or something become famous like the guy who created Homestuck. In fact, it’s so effecting that I don’t even have the impetus to write a blog post. It’s not that I’m lazy, my ideas are just coming out expressed as images on a panel and that obviously isn’t helping me write.

Currently, my writing has dropped down to a minimum of flash fiction every week and an occasional blog post about something else (like this one). I’m spending too much time drawing and sketching out an outline for my possibly very first webcomic. We’ll see how that goes. I’ll keep ya’ll updated on that.

I’d also like to excuse myself for not posting for the next 2 weeks due to an AMAZING vacation to Alaska with guaranteed 0 Wifi. (Of course, I could just queue a bunch of posts, but I hate queuing things.)

That is all for now.

Have a nice day.

That’s What She Said

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Prompt: “I’d seen some big ones in my time, but this one…..this one was huge.”

“God, Lisa, you just don’t understand!” Voices echoed from the other side of the wall. Mrs. Despona was getting a little frustrated. She could hear ever single conversation those teenage girls had in that other apartment and they were always, ALWAYS, about boys. “It was huge! Like… I’ve seen big ones before, but this one… this one was ginormous! I had hardest time getting it in.”

“What was it like?” The girl, who name was supposedly Lisa asked.

“Same as always. I’d thought, you know, since it was a little bigger, it’d be different, but not really.”

“Really?” There was a giggle. “You’ll have to show me next time around then. Maybe you could come over and it’ll just be the three of us.”

“It’s not official yet. Suppose to be three more weeks before I’m allowed to see it again. I was just allowed a sneak visit the other day, that was all.”

Mrs. Despona could not believe her ears. Where they talking about… about that thing? And moving in? She couldn’t believe her ears, girls these days really didn’t understand modesty at all… She shivered at the thought of hearing them possibly go at it and suddenly, she felt completely fed up with this.

No, she just couldn’t. She had enough of this trash. She stormed out into the hallway and banged on their apartment door. Moments later, a dead skinny girl, face caked with black makeup opened up the door.

“Yes, Mrs. Despona?” She asked, quite annoyed, a small sneer on her face.

“I will not allow it anymore! If you wish to talk about the size of… of” Her face flushed red. “Of pensises at least have the courtesy to lower your voice!”

The girl rolled her eyes and smirked at her.

“Please, Mrs. Despona, you’re thinking too much. We were talking about the dog that I’m going to get from the animal shelter in three weeks. Calm down. It’s just really big and doesn’t really fit in the cage they gave it and I just wanted to get it home as soon as possible.”

Mrs. Despona froze, wordless.

This was rather embarrassing.

Trollololol

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Prompt: The first men/women to set foot on Mars return to their ship only to find a large, strange insect on the door of the ship.

“Welcoming, the first people back from Mars!”

Applause ensues.

A man and a woman step out of the ship.

“Thank you, thank you. It’s been an honor. The journey was treacherous, but successful. Mars has now been explored by the naked eyes of mankind!”

Cheers rise up.

“Thank you.”

The doors of the spaceship slammed shut and revealed a huge picture of a strange bug.

Beneath the bug said:

“HA. YOU JUST GOT TROLLED!”

Replay Video

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5. BEST TROLL EVER

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Troll Books

A common thing that happens is the sudden increase of books sales of a popular book due to the fact that it is popular. An even more common thing that happens, is a jack in book sales of books with similar titles. Like The Life of Pi in comparison to Life of Pi.

And so, it is in this trollish mood that I present to you, three (almost) troll books that I’ve found.

Cloud Atlas vs The Cloud Atlas

Now, to be clear, this first pair is a completely legit pair of books. Neither one is a troll book, but it’s amusing to see the reviews on Amazon, complaining about how the book, The Cloud Atlas, didn’t match with the movie, which was base on Cloud Atlas, at all.

Stupid humans.

Fifty Shades of Grey vs Fifty Shades of Gray (Subtitle: Tsk, Tsk, Tsk…)

This, by far, has been the best troll book that I’ve seen. The title literally contains one change of letter – from “grey” to “gray”, but it gives the author total legitimacy over her book and no one can complain – it’s their fault they didn’t notice. If one were to buy this book, one would get a 55 page book containing 50 different shades of gray in the form of African elephants.

LMFAO

Life of Pi vs The Life of Pi

We all know Life of Pi, that famous story about a kid surviving the ocean with a tiger. Amusingly, there is a book, matching the same name (with an additional “The”) that is actually about the number pi, with single short blurb about pi and then, for the rest of the book, you get pi up to 100,000 digits.

That’s not the funniest part though.

If you scroll down on the Goodreads page for The Life of Pi, you’ll see that some people have given this book five stars not because of it’s wonderfulness about the 100,000 digits of pi, but because “What a wonderful story about Pi Patel!”

Wow… You people don’t even read the summary do you?

So, moral of the story? Watch your titles.

Lucid

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Prompt: You (or your protagonist) walk through a door, only to find that not only are you not where you expected and there doesn’t seem to be a way back…”

You were probably really tired when it happened.

You made a mistake and the door just slammed behind you, leaving no way back.

You thought you were good enough – good enough to challenge such a maze, to challenge the God King. Do you think he would have let you off the hook so easily? Let you beat him, his pride and soul, so simply? You underestimated him. You were too self confident. You stepped into the maze thinking that you were good enough – that everyone else before you were all weaklings.

But that was a lie.

You’re just like everyone else – a failure who made a mistake and couldn’t turn back, trapped in this maze forever.

To hell with the God King you may think, but the one going to hell, is you.