Hellbears

Today, I was introduced to the infamous Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears. Actually, clarification, I was introduced to the reviews on Amazon for the infamous Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears. Hell, I did not actually eat them. I’m not that stupid.

So, I just wanted to say that my life is now complete.

For those who don’t know, apparently, these gummy bears contain lycasin which tastes just like sugar, but completely screws with the digestive tract. It causes bloating and huge diarrhea bombs. The poor people who ate these gummies, well, you’ll have to see for yourself.

What I need to share though is this recipe brought to you by one of the smart reviewers of these gummy bears. Here, is the popcorn of death.

HOLIDAY POPCORN OF DEATH:

4 qts. popcorn
1 1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. white karo
1 c. butter
2 tbsp. vanilla
1 bag colored marshmallows
4 c. Killer Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears

Boil sugar, Karo and butter to big bubble stage, add vanilla, and then add Killer Gummy Bears until they melt. Pour over popped corn. Mix.

IMPORTANT: DO NOT TOUCH THIS MIXTURE WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. WEAR PUNCTURE PROOF LATEX GLOVES.

Add the popcorn to a washed holiday popcorn tin with all labels removed, seal with cellophane tape along the edge (this gives it the impression of being factory sealed) add a nice bow and card. Then eat the marshmallows while you laugh and think about all of the havoc you are going to cause.

This probably made my day. The guy used it on his asshole boss and ended up quarantining his office for three months because the paramedics thought his boss got bird flu, getting the asshole boss fired and getting a promotion. I have no proof that this story is real, but it sure was hilarious. If anyone wants to read it, you can find it here.

Sometimes, I wonder about the stupidity of mankind….

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