Ahoy! We want to invest in you!

Being the stupid person I was and giving my e-mail out at the PSAT, I, as consequence, now have an inbox full of college trash. And let me tell you about the bullshit they talk about. I got one e-mail that said, in bold lettering “You’re SAT scores are so impressive.” Uh, excuse me, hello? I haven’t even taken a freaking SAT yet you liar! All of them say the same thing, and they all are about how wonderful of a student I am. But the most annoying yet is one, where the subject of the e-mail was “We want to invest in you.”

Ok. First off, I am not an object.

You can invest in stocks. You can invest in businesses. But you do not walk around saying, “Hey! I don’t know you at all and you’ve got no stellar achievement whatsoever, so I’m going to invest a full college tuition on you!” I don’t like the idea that I’m just another money-making object. If I succeed, I’m suppose to give money back. If not, well then sucks for me.

It’s great that you want to spend money on me. I’m deeply pleased. But I’m wondering, how many more of those e-mail have you sent out? Thousands? Millions? Most people will just ignore it. But, what if, just what if EVERYONE replied? Now will you just say, “Hey I’ll invest in you because you’re not too shabby.”?

Just to prove a point, I went into a couple of them and changed my name, e-mail and address to something completely made up. I live in Afghanistan but I go so school in New Mexico. I live on Main Street, but my house number 1409. It’s hilarious. Even though I suppose it’s not nice to screw with colleges like that.

So, Mr. College E-mail, go away and we can stop wasting each other’s lives. OK? 


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