Review: The Boy A Thousand Years Wide

The Boy A Thousand Years Wide
The Boy A Thousand Years Wide by David Spon-Smith
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I received and ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

DNF at 138 pages of shit.

This book was awful. This felt like some random half-literate guy from somewhere like south Philly decided to just write a book, sends it to a publishing company in dire needs for a book to publish, and the company publishes it after having an editor make an half-assed attempt of cleaning the book up.

Or, in other words, this book is the definition of craptastic shit.

A lack of variation in word choice is just fine.

Did you know, in the first 57 pages of the book, the word “says” is used more than a 130 times? And not just “say”, “says”. Everything, single, fucking, time. Even if it’s grammatically incorrect, “says” is used. “I says”, “he says”, etc. etc. etc. Is there any variation? Yeah. We see “shouts” a couple of times. Wow. Such word choice. Much bad. Very disappoint.

Ain’t inconsistent grammar amazing?

Yeah. A published 422 page work does not ONCE use the grammatically correct form of “is not”. Instead, we’re littered with “ain’t” and not just in the shoddy first person narrative, but in EVERYONE’S dialogue. So everyone uses incorrect grammar now? What, has “is not” just went obsolete? Why is “ain’t” the only word that’s grammatically incorrect? (Which is why I say the book was probably half-assedly edited.) I don’t find this to be a stylistic way of writing. This is someone being stupid and not following the rules of grammar because slang.

Even if it was supposed to be stylistic writing, it was such a half-assed attempt, the author might as well have ditched it and saved the reader from going through reading hell every time “ain’t” shoots its lightning bolts into civilized reading minds.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with using ain’t. It’s the fact that it’s being abused like “says” is and the fact that it’s not being properly surrounded by related slang that makes it stand out like such a sore thumb and makes it such a big issue.

This is probably as bad as “shuck” in Maze Runner.

Look. Paragraph spacing doesn’t have to be consistent.

WTF is up with the random large gaps between paragraphs? I’m reading and then all of a sudden it’s like the author thought “oh, this paragraph [a.k.a. single sentence, since the author fails to write a single paragraph past the elementary 5 sentence and most of his paragraphs are 1 sentence long] looks important, I’mma just surround it with spaces so it stands out!”

No. Just. No. Fuck you. Do you not look at other books? Do you not notice how ugly that makes your book look? Just random gaps in the narrative every hither and thither. You know why I didn’t finish this book? Because I was sick of scrolling through all of those fucking gaps.

We all be a clone party!

EVERYONE. And I mean EVERYONE sounds the same. There might be occasional quirks here and there, like Lilly only shouts. And is a mean bitch. Baxter only knows to be a sniveling brat. But most of the secondary characters all sound the same and could totally be interchangeable. I don’t even remember what they’re names are.

Oh, yeah, and they all says ain’t.

Conclusion

I realized that this book was hopeless the moment I was just started skimming instead of reading. There is SO MUCH PADDING.

Do. Not. Read. End of story.

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Review: A Town Called Dust

A Town Called Dust
A Town Called Dust by Justin Woolley
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book was really good.

Despite the typical “girl dresses up as a boy” and “clumsy clueless possibly bastard son has to save the world”, the book manages to avoid cliches pretty well. The writing is very well done and is kept fast-paced to keep the reader’s attention.

The worldbuilding is done really well – very original and no glaring plot holes at all. I’m really looking forward to the second book.

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Review: Stones of Power

Stones of Power
Stones of Power by Azumi Isora
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book was strange.

The idea and premise was very interesting, but there was way too much talking. I felt like the way this book had been presented, it would have gone better as a novel than as a graphic novel. The art is simply mediocre and I found that some of the characters looked a little too similar.

This book has relatively little plot in it. There isn’t really ever a climax and asides from a lot of worldbuilding, there’s not much to this book, which leaves me a little confused. Is this the first book to a series? And even if it was, this was definitely not captivating enough for me to want to read the next book of the series.

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Review: The Murder of Adam and Eve

The Murder of Adam and Eve
The Murder of Adam and Eve by William Dietrich
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Man… I almost didn’t finish this book, it was that boring. The idea behind it was great. Going back in time to save Adam and Eve. The writing was not half bad either. Quick, concise and not too much explaining.

However, the book failed to stand up to it’s potential. Pointless padding, and endless walking and finding food dragged the book for the first 150 pages out of 200 pages. We don’t get any action until the last few pages and these two main characters are complete boring shits when it comes to following their lives.

What the book also fails to acknowledge is that Africa is HUGE and finding a single tribe of humans with no help is possibly close to impossible.

How did they just happen to head in the right direction without any help? If anything, this is a MAJOR plot hole in the story. Granted, we find out afterwards that Ellie isn’t human, but that’s not enough to explain everything and it’s really thrown at the reader hard. We’re given not much foreshadowing of this AT ALL and then we get not much explanation.

I was left thinking WTF.

Really, asides from it’s readability, this book was pretty headbangingly bad.

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Review: The Curse Defiers

The Curse Defiers
The Curse Defiers by Denise Grover Swank
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I received and ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

It seems that as the third book of the series, Swank has finally learned to stay away from the wondrous tangential sex scenes that no one gives a fuck about and stick more closely to the story-line. We have more action in this book than much before and it’s made the book a better read in many ways.

That being said, there are still many headdesk moments in this book and I don’t think the improvements are enough to make the book necessarily good.

For one, swords are fucking heavy and walking around with one will also possible get you arrested? And really? All these deaths are just so completely unnecessary. I’m feeling numbed by them. At this point, I would be surprised if someone didn’t die. Another issue with that is that I refused to get invested in any of the characters because at some point, they run the risk of dying. Not that I gave a shit about any of them in the first place.

At least Ellie isn’t the whiny bitch she was beforehand.

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Review: The Expatriates

The Expatriates
The Expatriates by Corinne O’Flynn
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book is a perfect read while listening to the Skyrim soundtrack. I’m going to be honest. You’re reading experience will be GREATLY increased if you listen to the Skyrim OST while reading this book.

The writing proves to be very readable and everything flows pretty well. The world-building is very solid. In fact I really like this world and I haven’t fallen in love with a world for a pretty long time. If anything the only two complaints I have about this book are that 1. Jim occasionally feels like a girl. Especially in the beginning, there were moments where I felt like “this is totally a girl reaction”.

The second complaint being that I feel like the writing doesn’t have an air of broad and epicness like I’d like it to have. It’s not bad writing, but it doesn’t make me feel awe-inspired like the Skyrim soundtrack did. (Which is why I suggest listening to it, because it fills in on your reading experience.)

But, overall, a very good read.

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Review: The Glass Magician

The Glass Magician
The Glass Magician by Charlie N. Holmberg
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

As the second book of the series, there were many ups and down with this book and I don’t quite find it to be as good as the first one. The pacing, for one, is quite awful. The beginning of the book starts out way too slow and doesn’t start to pick up until the last 50 some pages. A lot of beginning could have been passed off as padding.

Holmberg does, however, have a knack for writing actions scenes and they’re all very well done.

I am looking forward to the 3rd book. Hopefully the finale will be exciting.

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Review: The Curse Breakers

The Curse Breakers
The Curse Breakers by Denise Grover Swank
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.

Oh boy oh boy. This book was wild ride of padding, shite romance and awful sex scenes. There’s no plot development whatsoever. It takes fucking 400 pages for Ellie to find the symbol of Ahone and kill two goddamn giant badgers.

The pacing of this book was about as urgent as Ellie acted.

Who fucking has straight up romantic dinners when the top issue at the moment is to find very important possibly life-saving notes? If I were in this situation, I’d scarf down a sandwich and keep looking. There is ZERO sense of urgency in this book.

Ellie’s Logical process: Oh, I have to find notes! Let’s eat dinner with the very hot sexy English professor who might really like me first!

A fucking love triangle? Are you serious?

Yeah, right after you fuck it all up with Collin, you go ahead and just happen to meet a hot English professor. Right. And he’s completely smitten by you for really no reason at all. Asides from being the biggest idiot and the worst person to carry the fate of the rest of the world, I personally see no defining characteristics about you, Ellie Dare. Please, would you care to explain what the fuck is up with that?

I just… can’t…

After spending the entire afternoon reading the rest of this shit book, I just feel drained. So drained that I don’t even have enough energy to write a full on rage review. Honestly? I’m dreading the third book.

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Review: The Curse Keepers

The Curse Keepers
The Curse Keepers by Denise Grover Swank
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I received an ARC of this book via Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.

I’m sorry Curse Keepers. You had so much potential but… really? Really? I’m wordless.

Our main characters are two shallow idiots.

Well, at least one of them is. The relationship between our two MCs can be shortened down into this:

[Ellie] OMG I CAN’T BREATH! THERE’S A HOT SEXY GUY TOO!
Ellie approaches hot sexy guy anyways.
Hot Sexy Guy smirks and grabs her hand.
[Ellie]FUCK. The curse is broken! The whole fate of humanity is resting on my shoulders! I’m not going to believe it! I’m going home and telling Hot Sexy Guy, aka Collin, to fuck off cause he’s acting like an asshole.
Shit happens. Collin acts like an asshole, but suddenly he’s mister hot sexy save the damsel in distress guy.
[Both] OMG WE’RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER! I CAN’T HOLD OFF SCREWING YOU FOR ANOTHER FUCKING MINUTE!
//Long exposition about screwing and how wonderful it feels.
Repeat x4
[Collin] Don’t hate me forever.
[Ellie] Ok.
Collin proceeds to betray Ellie.
[Ellie] I HATE YOU FOREVER.

If anything, the prose is just plain bad.

This book doesn’t flow. I’ve been switching between this book, The Golem and the Jinni, and The Glass Magician and every time I get back to reading this book, I cringe at how dry and unreadable the writing is.

Asides from the fact that Ellie is really annoying and shallow, we don’t get very much description asides from the fact that Collin is SO SEXY. Everything is just so… uninteresting. Not the mention, the pacing was super slow and the book had WAY too much padding. This should have been max 200 pages. Not 312.

The idea could have been so good.

Unfortunately, it seems that poor execution ruined it. The idea was simply thrown at the reader. I found most of creepy and there was barely, if any, worldbuilding. I still am basically clueless about this world even after 312 pages of shit. I still don’t know the limitations and abilities of the Curse Keepers. I don’t understand why more spirits aren’t chasing after Ellie more.

It seemed like the whole ordeal was just another Sunday drive around town with an occasional thug to “change it up”.

Oh. And sex scenes that go into lovely gory TMI detail.

Conclusion

If it weren’t for the fact that I won the third book off Goodreads and the fact that I have all three books on my shelf on Net Galley, I would have long abandoned this series at page 8.

DO NOT READ, unless you’re looking for an awful romance.

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